The LAMB Action Hero (Round One): Leon Vs. Nicholas Angel.

by Nick Jobe · July 10, 2008 · Uncategorized · 18 Comments

(Welcome to the second match of the first round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. If you haven’t voted for the previous match, do so now! Today is the last day to vote for that match! Now let’s enjoy!)

Update: Voting has now ended for this match.


By DJ from Matte Havoc.

LÉON, also known as The Cleaner, is the ideal candidate to be my roommate for several reasons that immediately come to my mind. The first and foremost reason would be his sense of cleanliness and order. If you were to walk into his apartment, you may notice it is simple in design and decoration, but it is very clean. Not a speck of dust or swipe of dirt can be found in the entire apartment. His sense of pride is clearly apparent by the order he keeps in his own home. He even goes far enough to water and clean his potted plant by using a spray bottle filled with water and a clean cloth. He is a quiet roommate who usually keeps quiet and reserved. Despite the immoral nature of his profession as an assassin, you would think he was a small time accountant at a local business. He is a very responsible guy that you could trust to take care of his end of the household chores and not live in a pigsty. Even though he’s orderly and quiet doesn’t mean he is one of those goodie-two-shoes that can be a pain in the butt with a list of anal-retentive rules. There was one time I had a roommate who wouldn’t lift a finger to clean the bathroom we shared, but he would wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me that I should pitch in to clean it. How aggravating and annoying!

SGT. NICHOLAS ANGEL, also known as Service Agent 777, is a dedicated police officer that not only goes by the codebook, but he’s tremendously anal with enforcing the rules. He is the epitome of what I would like to avoid in a roommate, because I find the strict rulebook type of guys to be a royal pain. He is an overachieving police officer with a lot of success and recognition at work, but he’s the type of guy who brings his Type A personality home with him. I am not a Type A guy and the overbearing rulebook enforcers annoy the hell out of me. The reason why I believe Sgt. Angel would not be an ideal candidate as my roommate would be the clash of personalities. I would love to live with someone who knows how to be responsible at home, but also knows how to respect the boundaries of those he or she lives with. I am afraid that Sgt. Angel is a responsible guy who will consistently pay the rent on time and keep the house clean, but will he leave me be at home? Will he be like the previous roommate that would wake me up early just to tell me to clean the bathroom when he finds it to be an appropriate time? Someone who is anal retentive, such as Sgt. Angel, would not be an ideal roommate for me. I would have to pass on him as a potential candidate.


Both Nicholas Angel and Leon, oddly enough, have the similar traits of never drinking alcohol, never smoking, and always taking care of a Japanese Peace Lily (making the air nice and fresh); therefore, the quiet cleanliness factor must be overlooked if we are to compare these roommates.

Let us first take a look at why Nicholas Angel would be my ideal roommate: First, he can easily be talked into watching just about any cool movie you want him to see, and he won’t mind a huge DVD collection (“By the power of Greyskull!”). His best friend is also a fellow movie fanatic, and we’d get along great. Sergeant Angel is also incredibly intelligent, and we would probably easily be able to discuss academics if the need came up. And nobody would dare try to rob the place. He’s a police sergeant, and could hunt the person down in no time. Not to mention he would be quite on time with his half of the rent. Just an all around good guy.

Leon, on the other hand, can’t even read. If he ever considered buying a DVD, it would be Singin’ in the Rain, which he would watch over and over and over. And I’m all up for musicals, but hearing the same songs played constantly would get on my nerves. He would also have a tendency to bring spunky preteen girls home, probably making the landlord think we’re running some kind of child brothel. Not to mention he’ll probably come home bleeding and stain up the shower. And if I bother him at all, he’ll shoot me in my sleep without any hesitance. He’s boring at the best of times and dangerous at the worst. And on top of that, he’ll probably have so many pissed off people coming after him that they’ll end up firing a missile into the apartment before Leon decides to strap on his grenade vest and blow up the entire building. I really don’t feel like losing all my stuff just because my roommate was having a bad day.

Nicholas Angel all the way.

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18 Responses to The LAMB Action Hero (Round One): Leon Vs. Nicholas Angel.

  1. DJ Heinlein says:

    This post’s for Mathilda.

  2. Nick says:

    DJ: lol… you don’t know how difficult it was going against my main man Leon. I love the movie ‘Leon’, as I’ve stated before. But I gotta give it up to my other main man Nicholas Angel! He’s totally the better roomie 😛 .

  3. DJ Heinlein says:

    **sigh** Just because you are talking to a room full of movie fanatics you go and have to pull out the clinch pin with the phrase “you can talk Sgt. Angel into watching any movie you want.” It’s bribery, I say — Utter Bribery! Ha, ha.

  4. Nick says:

    lol… I am a dastardly debater! 😛

  5. Jason Soto says:

    Dang, both were pretty great and make interesting points. I don’t even know…

  6. DJ Heinlein says:

    Psst — Jason. Leon is your own built in security system. You don’t need to pay money to ADT Security Systems when you have Leon. 🙂

  7. Nick says:

    Psst — Jason. Leon will blow up your apartment, while Nicholas Angel would just kick their ass and take them to jail.

  8. DJ Heinlein says:

    One free drink for every vote Leon gets from this point forward as long as he wins the final vote. (I swear DJ is not typing this message, since his computer was hijacked by DEA Agent Stansfield as evidence for illegal beer trafficking.)

  9. Nick says:

    A free piece of your choice of either cake or pie (or both, if you so please) for every vote Nicholas Angel gets from this point forward!

    Who doesn’t love cake and pie?

  10. DJ Heinlein says:

    I prefer punch and pie. But I’ll make sure Coco’s, Baker’s Square, and Marie Callenders receives a heads up so they could raise their dessert prices just for Nick.

  11. Nick says:


    *shakes fist at DJ*

  12. Fletch says:

    I’m really glad the two of you are going up against each other. Wildly entertaining to watch from a distance.

  13. Nick says:

    I think the battle between myself and DJ is almost more entertaining than Leon Vs. Nicholas Angel 😛 .

  14. DJ Heinlein says:

    Leon/DJ 2008!! Vote for me! Because it’s more entertaining than the Obama/Clinton ticket. (ouch)

  15. Nick says:

    More entertaining than the Obama/Clinton ticket? I didn’t think that was possible (or even existent, unless I’ve missed something lately).

  16. DJ Heinlein says:

    Ya, you missed the part when Leon and I blew up the New York senate seat and moved on to Capital Hill to take over the world.

  17. Nick says:

    lol. I really should learn Leon’s secret to surviving explosions.

    Then again, that could be deadly knowledge… if suicide bombers got their hands on that information…

    But then again, wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?

  18. DJ Heinlein says:

    Fire retardent gel usually helps.

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