The LAMB Action Hero (Round Two): Tony Stark Vs. Nicholas Angel.

by Nick Jobe · August 5, 2008 · Uncategorized · 13 Comments

(Welcome to the second and final match of the second round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let’s enjoy!)

Update: Voting for this match has now ended.

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By Fletch from Blog Cabins.

Room with Nicholas Angel? No effing way.

The guy is a straight-up loser. So much of a loser that he got demoted and sent to podunk England. So much of a loser that his fellow employees not only weren’t sad to see him go, but were waiting with baited breath to send the guy off. So much of a loser that he mistook some random dude for his ex-girlfriend (who dumped him, I might add). So much of a loser that his best friend is a tubby guy who does nothing but watch movies all day. Ok, maybe his friend isn’t such a bad guy.

Either way, you get the point – the guy makes Jason Biggs’ titular Loser seem like a cool guy to hang out with. Heck, with his inability to hold down his job and his current standing with the ladies, there’s a good chance he’s watching scrambled Cinemax with a sock at the ready like some other Biggs character. Have fun walking in on that on your way home from work.

On the other hand, there’s Tony Stark. Iron Man, if you will. Tony’s so damn cool that he literally has the ladies digging their hands into his chest. You don’t think he’s got some dating tips for you?

Then again, you might be saying, “but I’m a straight woman (or gay male) – I don’t want some cocky billionaires’ tips for picking up chicks.” Well, I hear your voices. For you, I have but one question – which of these guys would you rather see stumbling out of the shower with a little white towel on – schlubby, pasty Angel or hunky, mysterious Stark?

So I leave you with a simple question: would you rather bunk with the nearly-unemployed, anti-social knob whose only hobby is tending to a single plant, or with the guy whose license plate wrapper on his Ferrari reads “I’d rather be flying around the world in my high tech suit fighting terrorists when I’m not making billions as the head of my own company?”

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Let me put this to you in an easy, accessible fashion. A chart! Who doesn’t love a chart? We will see the vast differences in who makes a better roommate by showing both good and bad characteristics of roommates in general

Nicholas Angel

Tony Stark

Alcoholic

X

Smoker

X

Invader of Privacy

X

Destroyer of Household

X

Buddy

X

Payer of Rent

X

X

Tidy

X

Easily locatable

X

Overall agreeable

X

This puts Tony Stark with 4 negatives and 1 positive… while Nicholas Angel has 5 positives and NO negatives.

But let me further extend my thoughts on these claims, so that you know they are not rash. While I cannot argue that he would have the money to pay for his half of the rent, there are so many other things to attend to. For instance, it is obvious that Mr. Stark is both a smoker and a drinker. As for an invader of privacy… he has those nosy little robots that want to pry into everybody’s business. Can you imagine yourself in the shower and just have some little robot appear and try to mess with you? Not to mention the constant press/media at his doorstep or intruding the household now that everybody knows he is, in fact, Iron Man. And he also destroys his own house and property more often than not in his continual attempts at being Iron Man. As such, the house would probably in a constant state of disarray. I can’t see him being too buddy-buddy, either, always being too busy with his job and superhero thing. And when he brings home the ladies for his nightly orgies and/or threesomes, would he share? No way. Not that you’d want it, anyway… with the women he picks up, there’s no telling what kind of diseases they have. And in the case of an emergency, how would you find him? Without access to his secret lab and such, he could be halfway around the world in some terror-filled country while you’re stuck locked out of the house without a spare key.

Nicholas Angel, on the other hand, could pay his rent easily and on time, will keep the house from becoming an uncleanable mess, and could easily be found at any time. He’s not a drinker or a smoker, he respects privacy, and he would not have reason to destroy your home. And, as I’ve previously stated, you can hang out with him and watch pretty much any movie you want, and he won’t really mind. Overall, he would be the most agreeable partner.

So these, as I see them, are the most obvious and clear-cut reasons as to why Tony Stark would be a HORRID roommate, and why Nicholas Angel, for all intents and purposes, would be so much better. So do yourself a favor… vote for Nicholas Angel.

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13 Responses to The LAMB Action Hero (Round Two): Tony Stark Vs. Nicholas Angel.

  1. Fletch says:

    Just remember, folks – a vote for Tony Stark is a vote for America.

  2. Fletch says:

    By the way, that voting site you’re using is loopy. This poll is brand new and it said that I already voted. Guess I’ll have to try the work computer…

    (the score is tied right now, so it’s not like I’m saying this because I’m behind or anything – it’s for reals)

  3. OK, see, you say something like that and your flag waving patriotism makes me want to vote Angel.

    Alas, I cannot take it back.

  4. Fletch says:

    It’s called parody, dude. I’m no flag waver.

  5. Fletch says:

    I mean, seriously, who would play the “patriotism” angle in a fictionalized ‘battle’ between two fictionalized people. We’re talking MOVIES here. I’m offended that you even thought that I thought that.

  6. LOL, I am hurt that you would be offended.

    I just always break out my Katherine Hepburn and ‘implore you to vote. You must, it’s you sacred franchise!’

  7. Fletch says:

    Wow…incredibly tight race thus far. I’ve been watching it all day and it just goes back and forth, with no one having a lead more than one vite. Currently 9-9.

  8. Nick says:

    An incredibly tight race, I might say!

    Nicholas Angel shall prevail!

    And a vote for Tony Stark might be a vote for America… but who wants to vote for America right now, especially with Bush still in office?

  9. DJ Heinlein says:

    Angel will go down! I’m sure of it.

  10. Fletch says:

    By the way, if you like to smoke or drink, you can come live with me and Tony. We won’t boot you out. Just no heroin or meth, please.

  11. Nick says:

    Yes… go with Fletch and Tony and all their GROSS STDs! Their man-love is eternal!

  12. Fletch says:

    Alcohol is not an STD, Nick. You really need to get out more.

  13. Nick says:

    No… but it leads to them!

    And yes… yes I do.

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