The board it set! The pieces are moving! Let there be blood!!!
What it is LAMBs!! Sebastian from Films From the Supermassive Black Hole here with a brand new feature. In the tradition of the gladiators, boxers, and Lamb Action Hero, I present Clash of the Lambs! Every week, I pit character against character, and leave it to you to decide the victor! What’s that? You cheer for blood? By jove, you’ll have it!
For this inaugural edition of Clash of the Lambs, I am throwing three characters into the ring! They all hark from films directed by one, Ridley Scott! There is a clear favorite in the mix, but the other two prove to be more than formidable opponents!
Fighter 1: Maximus Decimus Meridius
Once a celebrated general in the Roman Army, Maximus is betrayed by the man he calls Caesar and forced into a life of slavery! In the gladiatorial arena, he quickly gains fame for his natural skills as a fighter and leader! Skilled with all types of sharp things that can kill you, adept on foot and on horse, and with the ability to rally a fierce group of pissed off gladiators behind him, Maximus is not one with whom you mess! Hey, he killed the Roman Emperor in front of thousands of people! Definitely don’t want to mess with him!
Fighter 2: Balian of Ibelin
Raised unaware of his true heritage and potential, Balian was just a humble blacksmith. That is until the day his father, a great knight in the Crusades comes and takes him on a journey to the Holy Land. Once there, he quickly gains notoriety thanks to his acceptance of Muslims and his almost stupid levels of bravery! The man led a charge against a force far greater than his to give the citizens of a city time to get within its walls! That’s a righteous man if ever I’ve seen one! He successfully conducted the defense of Jerusalem against an enormous Saracen force, and managed to seduce Eva Green during all of this! Skilled with a broadsword, on foot and on horse, and with the ability to rally the dejected and disheartened soldiers of Jerusalem to fight, the thing that gives Balian an edge is his understanding of his enemies! He never underestimates them! A smart enemy is sometimes the most dangerous!
Fighter 3: Robin Hood
Though he begins his story as a lowly, but incredibly skilled archer in the army of King Richard, Robin Hood, upon returning home to England, takes up the mantle as the countries defender against tyranny, oppression, the French, and Mark Strong! He is instrumental in rallying the divided forces of England under one flag, and leading them to glorious victory! He then starts his campaign against the corrupt politicians that rule the country! Extremely skilled with a bow and arrow, he’s no slouch when it comes to sword play! He doesn’t posses the leadership skills of Maximus or the smarts of Balian, but what he does have is the speed and agility of a true killer! He and his merry men can easily ambush you before you have even the slightest clue where they are! Though he’s new to the party, Maximus and Balian will have their hands full contending with him!
Before the battle commences, I have a request for all you LAMBs! Let’s not make this a popularity contest! Think it over! Who would actually win in this battle if all three characters were thrown into a pit, given their choice weapons, and turned on each other? They all have their strengths! They all have their weaknesses! Sound good? Faaaaaaaantastic!
Alright then! The crowd is going wild! The trumpets are wailing! What’s that? I’m being told that the contestants are ready to begin! Let’s make it happen!
3! 2! 1! FIGHT!!
By the way, if you have a particular match up that you would like to see featured, don’t be a coy little sheep! Sound off! Write up a comment for all the world to see, or if you’re feeling private, send me an e-mail at email@example.com.