The board is set. The pieces are moving. Let there be blood!
What it is LAMBs. Sebastian from Films From the Supermassive Black Hole here, ready to satiate your never ending thirst for blood with another edition of Clash of the Lambs. Every week, I pit character against character and leave it to you to choose the victor.
For those who missed it, a recap of last week’s fight. The Predator, the Xenomorph, and the Nameless Ones all took the ring. To everyone’s surprise, this fight was significantly longer than previous ones, as every combatant dealt at least one devastating blow. The fight began, and, as the Predator and Xenomorph danced around each other, the Nameless Ones got an early lead. The fired their city-leveling weapon at the Xenomorph. It missed, but managed to destroy the entire nest of Facehugger eggs. This pissed off the Xenomorph, who quickly scaled the walls of the ring and leapt on the alien craft. It got inside, and, as the Predator wailed on the ship with its plasma beam, got to the control room, killed every creature in there, and sent the massive cruiser crashing to the earth. With the Nameless Ones destroyed, the two remaining fighters turned back on each other. The Xenomorph got in close, dealing massive damage to the Predator. The intergalactic hunter, thanks to its improved strength, was able to throw the Xenomorph off him and vaporize him with a well placed shot of his plasma rifle. The ultimate badass let out a roar of victory, holding the Xenomorph’s head in the air like a trophy!
The Predator: 14 Votes (Whew. No nuclear bomb necessary.)
The Xenomorph: 10 Votes (Guess those stupid AVP movies got to people’s heads.)
The Nameless Ones: 2 Votes (They can destroy cities and pose a threat to Will Smith. Even that isn’t enough.)
LAMBs, let me confess something to you. Your loyal MC really needs to hire a new PR firm. When word went out that I was letting these aliens duke it out, a got another letter from another representative of three other species that felt left out. Never one to back away from putting on an interesting fight, I decided to let these cinematic ETs duke it out this week. One is a gigantic native of a hostile world with a huge grudge against the human race. One is an unsympathetic invader with really killer war machines. One is a refugee living in squalor on Earth. All are dangerous! Two will die! One will survive!
Fighter 1: The Na’vi
These guys are quite deceptive. Though they appear to be tree hugging pushovers, these guys are actually quite vicious when it comes to warfare. They ousted a military campaign comprised of flying attack choppers, mech suits, and a lot of fire power, with bows, arrows, and really big birds. Their arrows are more akin to spears; their knives are more akin to swords. They are incredibly athletic, can throw a human like football, and are very hard to kill. They are susceptible to gun fire, and their reliance on nature will no doubt prove to be a setback. However, these guys are still one of the more dangerous species in the galaxy.
Fighter 2: The Tripods
Though they didn’t last very long, the Tripods sure as hell gave the humans a run for their money. They emerged from the ground one day, and began to lay waste to the world with heat rays that turned humans to ash and smashed even the toughest building. They then started taking humans hostage and harvesting their blood to grow a red weed that would slowly turn the Earth into a planet more akin to their own. They are towering and intimidating, even more so when you realize that they have a shield over their shells that protects from all forms of attack. Though they susceptible to disease, these guys are going to be very tough to beat.
Fighter 3: The Prawns
These guys sure came from behind, didn’t they? Once lowly refugees at the mercy of the cruel and intolerant humans, the Prawns eventually rose up to fight back, winning a decisive victory against their assailants. Though they are as fragile as humans, they can jump enormous heights, and are incredibly strong, able to throw someone several feet. They posses devastating weaponry that only they can use, and are backed up with a truly awesome mech suit armed with lightning, machine, and gravity guns. They may not look like much, but these guys can mess you up!
As always, remember. This isn’t a popularity contest. The Na’vi may be big and blue, but one blast from a tripod’s heat ray will kill them pretty fast. The prawns may possess some serious firepower, but one of those Na’vi arrows will put them down for good. The Tripods may have the shield, but get past that and they are at the mercy of the Prawn’s superior firepower. Think it over. Who would actually win here?
As always, if you have ideas of fights you’d like to see, don’t be coy little sheep. Sound off in the comments or send and e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. I promise, I’ll get my PR firm on it right away.
Well, I think everyone’s about ready to do. The Na’vi is chanting their war cry. The Tripod is lighting up it’s heat ray. The Prawn is starting up its mech suit. The crowd is going wild. Let’s make it happen.