Ask The LAMB #11

by Jason Soto · December 14, 2012 · Ask The LAMB, Featured, Periodic Features · 1 Comment

Is Vince Vaughn the right casting choice for Christmas movies?

Somebody said that Vince Vaughn has a personality which is not suited to the good spirit of Christmas movies. But he was in “Four Christmases” and “Fred Claus” both I saw on HBO, so I am wondering if that is right?

Nolahn:

Dear Vince Kringle,

You go ahead and tell that somebody that they’re an idiot. 

First off, Vince Vaughn is an actor — he’s not just being himself on-screen. Yes, certain types of roles are written with him in mind, but in theory, Mr. Vaughn will portray any kind of personality required of him. And if that requires Mr. Vaughn to stand around looking dazed and smiling beatifically like he’s was brained with a Yule Log after snorting too many pixie sticks, he’ll do that.

Second, Christmas movies do not require good spirit. Look at one of the most famous Christmas characters, Ebenezer Scrooge: one just needs to be old, cranky and British — and not necessarily in that order.

Third, you tell me if Mr. Vaughn was the right choice. You’re the one who sat through “Four Christmases” and “Fred Claus” because they were on HBO, apparently while being held at gunpoint to not change the channel. Me? I’d rather gnaw my own leg off than watch those movies… and watching bad films is my thing.

Ho, ho, ho!

Tony Cogan From coogsfilmblog.blogspot.com Asks:
Recently I watched the brilliant independent film Berberian Sound Studio with a career standout performance from one of my favourite actors, Toby Jones. After this I thought about the other film he released this year, The Hunger Games, and I remembered that he only had around one or two lines in the film. Personally, I consider that to be such a waste of an incredibly talented actor and I wanted to know if any of you have ever felt the same way in that an actor/actress you really like has been completely wasted in a film.

Simon:

If I’m honest, I’m not a big fan of following actors careers – understandably, despite their best efforts, sometimes the writing is off; sometimes the direction is off – and the actors comes off badly. sometimes an actor needs a paycheck (Pacino in Jack and Jill!!!) so I wouldn’t watch Toby Jones in The Hunger Games for the sake of Toby Jones.
 
Directors on the other hand can direct something, in most cases, with alot of freedom and hopefully you can tell from the shorts by Shane Meadows and the adverts by Scorsese and Luhrmann, that there is a real style they work within. Often they are hired for their style. Even David Finchers music videos have something to offer.

Dylan:

Guy Pearce in Prometheus.  Next question.

What happens if you lose the Redbox Jewel case?
I lost the Redbox Jewel Box, but I have the movie. What should I do?

Heather:

You should steal the whole machine!

(The following question I gave to all the contributors, so think of this as our own version of “Ocean’s 11″.)

Could I get into a rated R movie through any of these methods?
Soooo… I have no experience.
But, I’ve managed to think of some ideas, in case my friend isn’t the ticket checker the day I go.
The story? This girl I’m trying to impress will be spending several hours with me. After all this stuff I have planned, we’re going to see a movie. I know she loves horror movies and hates chick flicks. So, I want to see The Collection. We’re both 16, and could pass as 18 year old peeps. Or, at least I can. My methods are…
1) Buy tickets to see 007 or something realistic and then sneak into that movie.
2) Dress up as a college student with a hoodie with a longhorn or red raider symbol on it and tell the checker I left my wallet at home/college and my girl had to drive me here and pay for my ticket, to my embarrassment (don’t worry, I’m buying from the electronic vendor)
3) Bribe him/her. How much should I bribe with? I’m thinking $50 would keep their mouth closed and impress my girl. I don’t know. What do you think?

Do you have any methods?

Any help is appreciated!

Matt:

From my experience, most big chain theaters card people until they look a certain age. I for one was still getting carded in my twenties and even early thirties, though I am deceivingly youthful in appearance, much like a Joesph Gordon-Levitt or a Leonardo DiCaprio, so I’m an exception, I suppose.

Anyway, of the options you listed, I think your best bet is to buy tickets for a different movie and sneak into the one you want to see. It’s easy to get away with shit like that, especially if it’s a busy night and you don’t look like you’re 9 years old. However, I’m not sure how smooth it is to play sneaky pooh around a movie theater with some broad. She might get irritated and dump you for some IROC Z driving dude who’s old enough to get her into an R-rated film (and buy her cigarettes), leaving you with little more than your hand for the evening.  

What I would suggest doing is, if the option is plausible in your sitch, rent a movie and watch it at your place. So long as the option is available to you, this is a much better way of enjoying each other’s company in ways that a public theater will not allow, plus you can watch pretty much whatever you want. Also, since you said you’ll be spending some time with her, it would be a good idea to take the money you would have spent at the theater and use it to take her out to a nice dinner before your night of movie watching. This will give you some quality get to know each other time, plus she’ll think you’re a baller with some cash to spend on her.  

The Great White Dope:

So, you got a big date out on the town huh, kiddo?  Listen; you got one shot at this, and one only – you make the wrong move, you look like a chump not only to your girl, but to all the guys hanging out on the stoop, just waitin’ for you to come back and tell ‘em the whole story… and I’m not talkin’ about the movie, baby.  You take notes and listen hard, because I’m only gonna tell you this once.  You listenin’?  You saunter on into that joint, you walk right up to the ticket punk standin’ there and you go with Option 3: money, baby.  Money’s the only thing that talks to these mooks.  But $50?  No, you’re not thinking with that buttermilk biscuit you call a head, friend.  You pull the ticket kid close, slip ‘em TWO fifties, tell ‘em, “you play your cards right, Charlie, and there’s more where this came from”, then give ‘em a nod and a wink.  Then they’ll not only let you in, they will personally take you AND your skirt to whatever seat you choose, drag out the mamalooks sittin’ there already and bring you the beverage of your choice.  On the house.  After that movie’s done, your girl will be a bowl of clarified butter waiting to be sauteed on the cut of meat of your choice.  You know what I mean.  Congratulations, kid; you just stepped into The Big Boys’ Room.

Nolahn:

Dear Methodless Man,

Really? Really? You’re totally over-thinking this. I mean, you’re going out to the movies, not breaking into a bank vault.

Here is all you have to do: Buy two tickets to a film starting at or about the same time (ideally something two teenagers would go see). Go buy your popcorn and such, and then march right into the theater showing your horror movie. Don’t be sneaky. Don’t be looking like you’re smuggling hot merchandise under your sweater. Hold your head up high, look the ticket guy right in the face, and you’ll cruise right through.

Know why? Because they don’t care. They’re only a couple years older than you, working minimum wage. So long as you don’t give them a reason to care — like rappelling in with a ridiculous disguise and some elaborate alibi — you won’t have a problem.

Sorry if I’m coming off a bit dismissive. You did admit that you have no experience, so here’s some bonus advice for your date:

  • If you asked her out for this little outing, you should be prepared to pay for her ticket and snacks. But you don’t need to be a caveman about it if she offers to pay for something. Don’t make it a thing, just say “thank you.”
  • If you’re getting popcorn, do not get the extra “butter.” No, I don’t care how much you like the extra “butter” — don’t do it. It’ll make your hands all greasy, and when you go to hold her hand, she’ll get all skeeved out by your oily mitts.
  • In fact, you want to avoid any snack foods that’ll gunk up your hands. Or give you bad breath. Ever make out with someone after she’s housed a bag of Doritos? It’s nasty.
  • Make all the wisecracks you want during the commercials, but don’t babble endlessly through the film. Sounds like she really likes horror movies, so if you MST3K this movie (which it’ll probably deserve), you’ll just be annoying.
  • For the love of Pete, DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT attempt the old “yawn/stretch/arm around shoulder” routine. 
  • If you want to put your arm around her, just do it, and then give her a look like, “Hell yeah I just put my arm around you, whatdayathink of that?” If she slides out from under your arm after a minute or two, do not attempt a re-wrap. And don’t read too much into it — it just might not have been comfortable.

Good luck and Godspeed, man.

Adam:

Your only realistic option for sneaking in to a movie is to buy a ticket for a different movie then sneak into the movie you want to see.

 Here are my tips:

1)  If your movie is going to sell out, ushers will be checking tickets at the door, so don’t go when the theater is busy.  Your best bet is to go right when they open. They usually only have a few employees working the earliest shows and the manager is probably busy getting things ready for the rest of the day. 

2)  Buy tickets to a movie that starts at roughly the same time as the movie you’re going to see.  Buy your concession items and, If nobody is checking tickets, just walk in the theater.  Sit in the back.  

3)  Look like you belong.  If you look afraid and out of place, people will be able to tell you’re not supposed to be there.  This goes for everything in life.

4)  If anyone happens to ask for your ID, don’t say you forgot it.  In the history of mankind, there have only been 48 cases in which adults have legitimately forgotten their IDs.  If you say you forgot it, all anybody over 21 hears is, “I’m an asshole kid trying to get away with something and I think you’re too stupid to figure that out.”  Show them your ID and hope they’re either bad at math or that they aren’t paying close attention.  The worst they can do is kick you out.

5)  Turn off your cell phone.  Nothing indicates a complete lack of maturity like a cell phone going off during a movie.  Don’t put it on silent.  TURN IT OFF.  This goes for movies you sneak into, movies you legitimately pay to see and every single time you’re in public.

6)  Don’t bribe anyone with $50 for sneaking into an R rated movie.  At best, that’s a $10 bribe; $20 if there’s a sizeable group of you.  A $50 bribe is what it takes for me to pretend to believe you forgot your ID when you approach me outside the liquor store.

Be young.  Have fun.  Drink Pepsi.

Heather:

Dude, have you been to a movie?  Just buy them on movie tickets.com. No one will check.  Its not fort Knox man.  If you’re really worried.  Postpone the date for ten years and go through ninja training.  Then you can sneak in and not even pay.

Dylan:

Well, your first option definitely sounds like the easiest.  For starters, it’s not as though The Collection is gonna be sold out or anything, so I can’t see you really running into any issues unless you happen to go to a theater where they religiously check the stubs at the door to your screen.  But I’m not sure if that method doesn’t paint you in the wrong light (something pansyish about it, or dishonest, or both).  Who knows what this girl might read into it?

Which brings me to number two.  First off, I’m a bit confused.  If you’re using an electronic vendor, what’s the issue?  At my home theater chain, if I were 16, I can’t imagine there’d be a problem getting into R-rated flicks.  I’ve never seen the ticket taker at the front door ask for anyone’s ID, but then again, I’ve got two decades on you and it would be pretty fucking weird if one of them asked me for ID (despite my youthful appearance).  So I’d think you could just buy the tickets at the machine, “certify” that you’re of age there and be done with it (without all the worries about your clothing).  But obviously, I’m missing something there.

If I were with someone that bribed a teenager behind the counter $50 to get into a flick that costs $23 for the two of us to get into (under legit terms), I wouldn’t be impressed – I’d think that person was a moron.  I’d wonder why they didn’t spend that $50 on a nicer dinner or nicer clothes than a Longhorn hoodie or gas for their car or flowers for their Mom…basically, anything other than blowing it for a weak benefit.  If you wanna bribe someone $50, do it in Vegas (in five years or whenever you get the fake ID that’s surely in your future) and at least get into the VIP room or something for it.

Or just go see a better fucking movie.

Jason:

First off, arrange for her to show up and meet you at the movie theater at a certain time. A day before the date, find out who the managers are there and get their names. The day of, show up at the theater and go up to the ticket agent and say you’re there for a job interview with one of the managers names. If that manager happens to be out say “Oh then it must be with (other manager)” and they’ll call the manager over. The manager will come out and tell you he or she wasn’t aware of an interview and here you must INSIST the manager that isn’t there told you to come at this time. The manager, not knowing what else to do, will take you to the office to conduct the interview. Do the interview for about five minutes, then hold your stomach and say “Oof! I shouldn’t have ate all those tacos! Can I use the bathroom?” The manager will say “Uh, yeah” in which you leave to use the public restroom. At this point, you should change clothes and maybe put on a hat. Then wait until a movie lets out and blend in with that crowd to find a door off to the side, where if your timing is right your date should be showing up. Tell her your dad is the manager and it’s ok, come on in! Then hurry and slip into the theater of the movie you want to see and viola!

If that sounds too complicated, just go ahead and bribe the ticket agent. They don’t make shit, so fifty bucks to them will be like a million dollars to Donald Trump.

Simon:

I live in London. We have U (c), U, PG, 12A, 15 and 18…

I know we just came back from a pretty long break but we’re gonna go ahead and take the rest of the year off (in case the Mayans were right). But have no fear! We shall answer more movie questions for you in the new year. 

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!!

In late January, we will be doing a special episode of The LAMBcast where we do Ask The LAMB LIVE! (Or…you know in audio form…whatever) but we are going to need YOUR HELP! Please send in ANY movie related questions/problems to invasionofthebmovies@gmail.com so we can have a lot to read/answer on the show. I don’t wanna do all Yahoo! answers, even if they are entertaining! Ok? OK! 

Thanks! Merry Christmas! And Happy New Year!

-Jason

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One Response to Ask The LAMB #11

  1. Ashish says:

    gud ideas… I’ll follow them on my ideas and hope to get a good result.

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